Interests:Finally content with a past I regret
I've found you find strength in your
Moments of weakness
For once I'm at peace with myself
I've been burdened with blame
Trapped in the past for too long Expertise:dreamer... Occupation:Legal
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I often wonder—if it’s the dysfunction that drives me.
From which it all derives.
Or maybe distress—
Or distrust—
Hmmm…. I let the landscape beyond the horizon block the beckoning noises of dysfunction. Dysfunction that has loitered this place my entire life.
I let the noises rise. I feel instead an echoe that finally reaches my body from farther than I can see. I guess that’s called yonder in these parts. I enjoy that noise. It removes the dysfunction, just for that minute, as I continue to look beyond this place. I can feel it run through my out spread arms, my bare feet-- the summertime feeling of the blades of grass beneath them.
Dysfunction.
Perhaps that’s where it all derives from.
I watched my parents’ prized dog eat a pork steak that my mother launched from out balcony porch; I allowed her to do so, that is the dog eating the pork. It felt as good and unsound as being without shoes in the outdoors, the grass and all sorts of dirt and critters against my feet—which was never allowed, never thought of when I truly lived in this place.
I feel I will die attempting preparation for the Law School Admission Test..
or from an anxiety attack about the LSAT..
or from cardiac arrest on an exercise machine in pursuit of perfection..
or stressing over that perfection-- in whatever form it may take.
A 4.0.
Two degrees.
Getting into an accredited ABA law school.
Pleasing my family.
Pleasing my boyfriend.
Pleasing myself... pssh, like that could ever happen.
I can never settle. Nothing is "content" in my life, even for a second. I cannot settle. My brain is forever clicked into future mode, "Future, future, FUTURE." And so much so I seem to miss the present, and regret the past.
Nothing is truly perfect for me: 4.0 -- still worried about law school. I can never be skinny enough, no matter how hard I hit that gym. I am always concerned about pleasing everyone around me. What can I do next?
I am 20 years old.
I'll be better when I am older.
I WILL learn to allocate my time properly.
I will live in the present.
I won't stress over finances.
I hope--
20 years old, with the world at my finger tips.
My name is Sydney Jayme Kronkow.
Light up-- As if you have a choice Even if you cannot hear my voice I'll be right beside you dear And we'll run for our lives All I want is to find an easier way To get out of our little heads Have heart my dear We're bound to be afraid
Wake up extra early.... just to lay in bed. Sip your coffee slowly.... and listen to the music you love.
My love: Death Cab --
On the back of a motor bike With your arms outstretched trying to take flight Leaving everything behind But even at our swiftest speed we couldn't break from the concrete In the city where we still reside. And I have learned that even landlocked lovers yearn for the sea like navy men Cause now we say goodnight from our own separate sides
Passing through unconscious states. peace, love, elephants in Thailand await <3 .
God bless the daylight, the sugary smell of springtime
Remembering when you were mine
In a still suburban town
When every thursday I'd brave those mountain passes
And you'd skip your early classes
And we'd learn how our bodies worked.
God damn the black night with all it's foul temptation
I become what I always hated
When I was with you then
We looked like giants in the back of my grey subcompact
Fumbling to make contact
As the others slept inside
And together there
In a shroud of frost, the mountain air
Began to pass from every pane of weathered glass
And I held you closer than anyone would ever get
,,is it summer yet??
Thank God for Death Cab for Cutie, and my mom and dad.
